Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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