I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
