very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Why is your signature on my underwear?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
