is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
