I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
