So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
