I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
