so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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