i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
