i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
