you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
