I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize