Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
