I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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