I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
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