wakey wakey hands off snakey
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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