Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
