my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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