smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
