I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
