Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
