your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
FUCK WHALES
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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