I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
