who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i will never coherently bang her
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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