Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
