Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
