I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You ever have a fart follow you around?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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