I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize