oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize