He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
