plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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