I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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