why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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