Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
