i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
