I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
