So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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