i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
