Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
