we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize