Michael Bay diarrhea
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
