On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
