After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
