Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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