hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
