I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
