Umm I'm too high to move.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
