I've blown a few things in my day
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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