o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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