I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize