At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
