$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
