Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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