i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize