I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
