she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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