Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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