Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
