You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
