what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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