But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
