I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
