I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I could make wine with my vomit
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
