Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
