I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
