i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
