Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
