dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
