Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
