I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize