I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
