A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
