Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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