well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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