you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm both gender and math confused
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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