Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
