i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
