Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
