the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
