So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize