you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
