Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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