When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
