I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
