Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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