i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
