they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize