i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
smell my finger.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
