I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
