Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
