Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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