i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
