The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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