Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
