you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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