I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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