We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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