she woke up with a sticky ear
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
