haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
