The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He passed out mid-signature
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
