just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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