i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
