At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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