Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
