Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize