At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
